Posted by: Maggie | September 23, 2010

S.P.A.K

How to move on? This is the default question you’ll hear from friends or relatives after a bad breakup. Honestly, I’m not an expert on this and I don’t know why some people still ask advice from me; well I really appreciate the feeling that they trust me and I feel very honored for that, but somehow on my part, I’m kind of embarrass for myself when I can’t advice them anything good regarding this matter .

Yes, I’ve been through several breakups, but sometimes or rather most of the times I’m still having a hard time dealing with this kind of subject. Like others, I also seek help from my friends and family to comfort me when I’m sad. I know my friends (you know who you are) are getting annoyed when I always talk about the same scenario over and over again (I know it sucks, but try to understand guys LOL), but I’m still thankful that they’re still there willing to listen and share you a hug ( Naks!).

But in the end, after the tremendous tissue paper wasting (because of the post sneezing syndrome after a whole night of crying), giant eye bags, weight loss (because of loss of appetite DUH) and lots of screaming pimples on my cheeks (Thank God, they’re not on fire anymore!) finally I’ve realized that I’m just wasting my pretty face mourning over spilled milk LOL. Yes you heard me right folks, one day you’ll just wake up on your 20 hours of sleep and realize how insanely STUPID you are for wasting a lot of tears and food over a-fly-by-love affair.

Like I said earlier, I’m still not an expert when it comes to this kind of topic, but my experiences thought me a lot on how to get out of this situation and I want to share it to those people who are still in this kind of position. Some memories still hunt me (It’s inevitable right?), but it is manageable now unlike before. I’ve read a book and lots of articles over the net just to calm myself, some sites even enumerate steps for you to follow and some even tell you to jut down notes on your progress…but to sum these all up, I’ve formulated 4 simple things to remember to help you get out of the black hole slowly but surely. I know it’s hard, it’s really hard; It may take days, weeks, months or sometimes it’s a cycle that will lead you again to square 1, but for someone who’s willing to start, nothing is impossible.;)

Let’s call it S.P.A.K.

S- Stop the communication. Yes, this is the hardest part for me. I’m really hard-headed when it comes to this, because I still want to communicate with my ex (Times when the breakup is still fresh). Whenever I have problems (not love life related) I always try to fix things up in order to succeed, but when it comes to love life, it’s not always applicable. There’s what you call the “Post text and call syndrome” after a breakup because it’s a routine for you to text and call your ex when you’re still together, you can’t really stop this right away. Someone once told me that I’m very impulsive regarding this matter, I did what I can to control it and fortunately I succeeded. To be able for you to this, you need to leave you mobile phone behind. When I’m at home, I leave my phone inside the room so I won’t be tempted to text or call him. When I’m outside the house, I turn my phone to silent mode and just hid it inside my bag. Now that we’re in a social networking world, deactivating or not checking your FB account for a while could help you a lot; if you can’t do that, you could delete or block your ex’s account from your list (if that could help you to move on, why not?) then add him up later when you’re already OK (LOL).All it takes is a matter of self-discipline to overcome this.

P- Pain Immunity. Memories are the hardest enemy in this situation. When the breakup is fresh, memories will always hunt you. You’ll remember those times when you were together like eating ice cream under the Tuscan sun, watching movies late at night or even strolling at the mall while holding hands…*sigh* those were the good ol’ days…but now, these are like vampires that will suck your blood out from your head and you can’t always control it. The only way to overcome this is to be immune. Pain immunity for me is when you suddenly think of those happy memories and you’re smiling-not crying anymore, when you share those happy things you did to others and encourage them to do the same in order to help them build their relationship stronger. When you reached this point, you can sleep well at night.

A- Acceptance.  Reality bites, someday your ex bf/gf will have another girl/boy who would make them happy like what you did to them before. For people who still have hang-ups with their ex, it’s really hard; but for those who accepted the reality already, they’ll be happy for their ex’s new life. I had a 2 year relationship before with my best friend and sad to say it didn’t work. Even though he already has a new gf, we still communicate with each other because the fact remains that we’re still best friends. Whenever I have issues that I can’t share to anyone, that I can only share to him, I’ll call or text him about it and he’ll reply as soon as he can. Well others may think that this is a bad idea, because they say somehow it could ruin the new relationship of your ex, but for me with proper explanation things will go out well, but still it depends. Don’t try to be friends with your ex if you have a bad intention in mind (you know what I mean), remember KARMA hits twice in a full roundhouse kick. Just be happy for him/her, you’ll find your happiness too…just wait patiently.

Last but not the least, K- Keep yourself busy. To remove the spider webs in your mind, do things that will help your mind shift to the other direction. Put the word ‘hard’ in all the things that you do like work hard, study hard, play hard, travel hard, party hard etc. and remember “An idle mind is a devil’s play ground”.

On the right time, you and your ex will be friends again (well it still depends on how bad the breakup was and if you both want to be friends someday). When the time comes you see each other, you’ll just laugh the things that happened in the past and crack jokes about it.

You were happy before you met him/her, so you will be happy again. Just leave things the way it should be, you can’t get back what has been lost but you can always find someone new and better.

Just remember, always PRAY HARD and Live life to the fullest!! AJA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There’s always a rainbow after the rain 😛

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